They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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