You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
