My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
operation harelip BJ is a go
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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