Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize