Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
