you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
