im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
