Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
smell my finger.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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