you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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