when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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