i love accidental penises.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
