Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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