It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
