Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize