You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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