I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This house was built for laser tag.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
