I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
