Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
