Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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