i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
