yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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