Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
