we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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