Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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