and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
