When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
