So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
