i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
