Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
