DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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