Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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