Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
