Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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