I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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