if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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