I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
