He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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