It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
