Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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