The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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