if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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