2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
