So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize