just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The adults are the big ones right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
