I heard we made out
ugly people sure do ruin things
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
