even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
