How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
