Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
