This beer is not sobering me up at all
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
