sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
