Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
