I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
