so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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