I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
