I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
