mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
