I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
