If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
