YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
