No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
