I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
