her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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