if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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