If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
