Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
