Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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