They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
