My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
