I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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