Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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