she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
