So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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