my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your cock deserves a montage
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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