I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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