Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
