every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize