I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
