I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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