no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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