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i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
